learning to breathe.

2010-05-25T06:10:00.001-07:00

http://naomipaigehon.tumblr.com/

.. so much easier!

think Ill be updating there almost daily. just started it today &its pretty addictive!

of Bangkok &Breakups ;

2010-02-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

hi.

it's currently 9:03am &Im in pyjammies, at baby's place waiting for my smallboy to get his skinnyass home from school. givenup on sleeping and am scavenging for even the most minisicule dose of entertainment to reserve myself till then so I decided to update my long abandoned blog. am going to pile 2months worth of updates into thus post, so be patient with the scattered update!
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6/1/2010 + 7/1/2010
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went to OU + Bangsar with maxine &baby hunting for perfect gifts, and on the 7th after spendingtime with baby I aided maxine in making a card for a certain someone till about 7am. it was the night my church, Assumption got 'bombed' if Im not mistaken and I was no less than 100feet away, in the same neighborhood so when I heard the news I was gobsmacked that neither of us noticed a thing.

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8/1/2010
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celebrated mom's 46th as a fam over dinner at VictoriaStation. crossed my fingers alldaylong hoping the handmade card I made her compensated for the lack of a gift!

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9/1/2010
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baby temaned me to get my monthly manicure at ColourCulture(broke my loyalty to Kukubar &opted to try a new nailsalon for once!) at TropicanaCityMall. we had lunch at KikuZakura with maxine before I temaned baby + his mom to the vet. we went for maxine's 18th birthday celebration at her dads place in tropicana later at night, followed by a yumcha session at MingTien and I was home by 2am. of sweet loklok gestures, gaytalk &ou coins.

baby wears this on his wrist everyday now. psst, spot my pretty turqoise nails (;

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10/1/2010
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followed baby +maxine to the car workshop. mygawd, I swear after dating baby for all these months I know alot more about cars than Id like!

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11/1/2010
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wokeup DESPISING my nose as I couldnt breathe properly for the life of me. headedout in the evening to catchup with imankambing. after dinner at Rastas we went up to LookoutPoint, ampang. I have always LOVED lookoutpoint so it was quite a treat! was home by 3am cursing my nose like a truckdriver.

despite iman claiming she knew the way, we were forced to stop &ask for directions numerous times ;P

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12/1/2010
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stuffed 5packets of tissue in my handbag and followed maxine to pick baby from school. can I just say that I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE CUTER THAN BABY IN SCHOOLUNIFORM? I was grinning from ear to ear all through lunch!

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14/1/2010 + 15/1/2010 + 16/1/2010
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yumcha'd with maxine at Plus8 in the dead of the night, till about 3am. unexpectedly bumped into simon, my longlost friend from Form2 there and met his boyfriend.
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watched ParanormalActivity at Midv with imankambing. it didnt strike any nerves when I was in the theater actually watching the damn thing, but omgawd it was IMPOSSIBLE to sleep at night mothercibaiiii.

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the fam and I celebrated BabyTania's 3rd birthday at uncle mike's. feasted on the food, and chatted with the fam for abit before I wentoff with baby, bearing notes I salvaged for him from previously ridding my locker of books at home.

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19/1/2010
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maxine and I went shopping at Pyramid, then at OU with baby after lunch at DU at OU, I got to finally visit tija strawberry bigspenderr whos now working at TGIF ;D

.. dont ask.

.. low &behold, my pathetic attempt at re-initiating my NoCarb diet -_-

maoni hotposhh ♥'s her strawberry bigspenderr

loyal La Senza fanatic. damage= rm180

I try my best to putaside sparecash to buy my brothers surprises whenever I can (:
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20/1/2010
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wokeup at the unGodly hour of 9am for my fourth 17Mag Photoshoot. with no school, no college, nojob- why not go if the magazine keeps calling? it was tiring but uber fun, and lasted till 2.30pm. lunched with baby, maxine and sueann right after and came back exhausted edging to remove my makeup by evening. I OFFICIALLY SALUTE GIRLS WHO CAN BE ARSED ENOUGH TO PUT ON LAYERS OF FOUNDATION, FAKE EYELASHES, EYELINER &everything else on a DAILY BASIS wei.

.. fortunately I am blessed to not NEED to put on an ounce of makeup/ dressup to turnheads. sorry, but days like these remind me to be thankful! (;
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22/1/2010*boyf drama*
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wentout with maison to IntiCollege, AC, then Tanjung. hadnt seen him in aaages so eventho there was a point where I had to run in the rain in my heels, I still enjoyed myself ;P passedup drinking and came home early at 1am to talk to baby. baby asked me THREE TIMES whattime I was coming home so when I finally told him I was, and he acted like he ' had no idea ' I was ENRAGED. I cant believe he maintained his LIE!
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he was out drinking and was ' too busy ' to even answer my 30second goodnight call. can you imagine rushing home, ditching your friends just so you could talk to your boyfriend, only to findout the fucker couldnt be BOTHERED enough to pickup your call and was out himself? I waited for FIVEhours crying cause I was too angry to sleep. when he finally got home, he tells me "im too tired, Ill talk to you tomorrow" AND OHMYGAWD THATS WHEN I LOST IT. I finally got to yell at him on the phone, and as usual it turns into tears but this is the best part: he FALLS ASLEEP while im crying on the phone. it mightve been the FOURTH time that WEEK baby fell asleep while onthephone to me but that night was the WORST.

maissssssssssssson
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23/1/2010*boyf drama*
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after baby broke my heart the night before by being such an asshole, I concluded that I would prolly resort to my oldhabits if I didnt see baby soon to patch things.. so I cameover in the afternoon and sleptover at baby's. honestly? that night was even worse than the 5hour crying fest the nightbefore. baby promised me we'd just stay in to cuddle and sort things out but he endedup dragging sleepdeprived me around with his friends till after midnight. instead of finalllly talking things out when we got home, baby tells me hes too tired and says goodnight. knowing my day was an utter waste of time, I softly ask baby to atleast hug me to sleep like he usually does but he tells me "I memang cannot sleep comfortably hugging something lahhhhh *big groan* " .. I silently cried myself to sleep while baby snored away next to me on his bed.
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24/1/2010*boyf drama*
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Me &baby's 5month Anni♥
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when baby &I wakeup the intensity of the last weeks worth of drama &tears were practically stiffling in the air but we both dismissed it. baby goes to shower so I hop onto his lappie and start a convo with calvinchiam thru baby's MSN. The link to read previous chat history poppedup and I succumbed to curiosity as I clicked on it. I discovered baby had been keeping secrets from me and doing all sorts of SHIT behind my back for months. hot steaming tears pour down my cheeks as I start yelling at baby the second he comes back into his room. I pack my stuff and I shout at him all the way downstairs. I demand to go home and instead of fighting for me to stay, baby actually helps me call a cab. when it arrives I tell him, " if I leave now thats the end of you and me. youll never see me ever fucking again. Im giving you a chance now. tell me why you had to do the shit you did. " he answers, " I HAD NOTHING TO DO OKAYYY " and rushes me downstairs to the cab.
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baby's mom opens the gate for me, and when she sees the state Im in she stops me in my tracks, pays for my cab to go off and I openup to her. I was embarassed as FUCK cause both of baby's parents had to see me like that and got involved but at that point I didnt care anymore. I endup staying for awhile longer at baby's. after the hour-long fight I lie on baby's bed exhausted while he was SO determined to not have to apologize he went online, ignoring me. we went out to eat but I was silent the entireway, and was shaking so hard I couldnt hold my drink without looking like a retard. baby later leaves me ALONE at his place while he went to Ou. he didnt care enough to comehome to see me off so I endup seeing myself out the door.
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when I get home, I get a call from baby pleading, crying for me to not leave him. I tell him he had 2nights worth of time to fix things and that was that. it was the end of us. I was still dumbfounded at the fact that all the shit exploded on our motherfucking ANNIVERSARY :(
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25/1/2010 + 26/1/2010
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I was in such a lowly state allday I didnt step foot outta my bedroom. I blasted my stereo, ignored my cellphone, refused to eat a bite of food and found comfort being buried under covers in my cold dark bedroom. ShihOnn came to my rescue at 3am, offering to take my mind of all the shit running thru my brain by taking me to AnW. we sat there for hours just talking, and I was so damn thankful for the temporary distraction.
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ShihOnn took me out again, but this time to McDs. we ended up talking till 6 in the morning and once again I was thankful! which is how I nicknamed him superman (:
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27/1/2010
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a heartbroken imankambing surprised me at my gate while I was having my morningcig!o.o had initially planned to lunch with maxine so iman taggedalong, and baby(who was my ex at that point in time) joined us too at Wondermilk. I wentover to baby's after and after hours of crying eachother hugging, I remained resilient on NOT taking him back. I later went for dinner with shihonn at Paparich, then drinking with him and jon at MJ till 4am. of firsts, awkward silences &refound crush excitement♥

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28/1/2010
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imankambing surprised at my doorstep yet again but this time maxine and sueann camealong too! ;P got dressed within minutes and the four of us engulfed our sorrows in Starbucks and then at maxines till 8pm. shihonn joins us for dinner at StationOne, and from there I join him and jon for drinks at MJ again till 2am (:

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29/1/2010 + 30/1/2010
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wentover to baby's afterschool and spenttime with him, going home early because he had tuitonnnn. Yeah we werent officially together then, but the way we acted, was as if we never brokeup in the firstplace. everything was so confusing!
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caughtup over lunch at Delicious in Midv with shalene, and when reuben + shannon joined us we decided to Eat N Run! it was HILARIOUS as it was the firsttime I skippedout on the bill in my life ;P the four of us watched Legion in Gardens and we had dinner before retreating home at 5pm. catchingup with oldfriends is always so awesome (: went for drinks with shihonn and jon at StationOne later at night, and I met shihonns brother + grandparents. was home earlyyyy by 1.30am.

our 'free' meal (;

shalene my misssssssssy♥
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31/1/2010 + 1/2/2010 + 2/2/2010
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wentover to baby's as soon as I gotup and spenttime with him before shihonn, baby and I grabbed a bite to eat at Oldtown. ate even more after dropping baby back with shihonn at McDs, and was home by midnight.

returned baby's hoodie that day.
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lunched at IpohChickenRice with shihonn and spenttime with him untill dinnertime, then I went to maxine's to bumaround till 10 or 11pm. when youre confused between twoguys/ heartbroken you simply DO NOT spend time alone rotting at home! ;S

what I wouldnt do for maxines bazonkas!
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lunched with shihonn at SecretRecipe till about 2pm, and wentover to baby's riiiight after to spend the entire day with him. at night when he dropped me back home, I exchanged Blackjack(my most valueble possesion) with the starpillow baby hugs to sleep, and took his hoodie back. maxine comesover for a smoke till 4am, and I was so exhausted I didnt have the strength to pack my bags :( I was OVEWHELMED at that point as JUGGLING TWO GUYS IS NOT EASY, I swear there isnt enough time in the day to! &please note readers, that when my heart was entangled with babyderrick + shihonn I was SINGLE &both guys were AWARE of the eachother. they were both waiting on an answer from me.
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3/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY ONE♥)
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had brekkie with shihonn at McDs, and poof off we weeeeere to drop me to the airport for my holiday. Msia had gotten so overwhelming I needed a break- so I decided a few weeks prior to join mom on one of her many business trips. the plan was that she worked while I GOT AWAYYY from the 2boy situation, RELAXED, and shopped my eurasian ASS off(; anyway on the way there, shihonn got into an accident and it was so fucking scary how the car spun on the highway ;/ the car was fucked but thankfully nothing happened to either of us- imagine getting into an accident the day youre flying off to another country wtf! shihonn temaned me and helped me with everything till I checkedin (:
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... have never flown alone so after racing thru the airport bugeyed and panicky, I managed to survive and get thru the planride to Bangkok alright. these few Msian girls who were seated next to me were a big, big help too! got my luggage, and finally found the driver who was holdingup my namecard at an airport gate.

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.. it took the driver a painstakingly long time to get to my mom's studio, but it wasnt his fault as traffic was HELL. played with moms mac while she worked. both my parents are in advertising, and Ive basically grownup with them working around the clock doing ads, so to be in a studio watching an ad being made wasnt a big deal. had dinner with moms colleagues and we FINALLY went back to our hotel, 'Oakwood Residence' at 10pm. skyped till 4am.

dresses + flipflops are the way to go when youre 5"0 and lugging a luggagecase half your size!
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4/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY TWO♥) X
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wokeup at 1pm ALONE IN THE HOTELROOM O.O mom had gone off to work &left -

.. this for meO.O I AM THE MOST UNINDEPENDANT GIRL IN THE WORLD OKAY, SERIOUSLY SO I FOUND MYSELF PANICKING AGAIN.
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I put the money +cigs to good use tho as I eventually calmed down, took a long hot shower, gobbledup roomservice and read baby's notes while watching telly on the flatscreen.

baby wrote me miniletters, one for each day Im away. theyre in angpao packets cause baby was outta envelopes- daaaamn cute right ;P
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.. I got bored so I gatheredup all my courage and WALKED OUT OF THE HOTEL ALONE, ONTO THE STREET, to shop at a nearby mall called Emporium. I cant even cross ROADS by myself so it was a feat I was pretty proud of haha!;D came back IN LOVE with the brand Boots. the driver sent moms mac back to the hotel at night, so I skyped with baby +shihonn and mom came home close to midnight. slept at 5am cause I was busy switching between the two boys ;X

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5/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY THREE♥)
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mom and I OVERSLEPT so we rushed down hoping we didnt pissoff the driver who waited for 1hour+. it was mom's off day so she took me to this mall called Platinum, and holy motherciiiiibai was it GOOD. EVERYTHING WAS SO FUCKING CHEAP AND CHIC, IT WAS MY HEAVENNN I SWEAR! we shopped(with shared cig/ snack breaks inbetween ofcourse) till 8pm.

imagine dozens of rows like this spreadout in FIVE levels!!

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.. our hands were aching from the amount of stuff we were carrying so we dumped our buys in the hotelroom, and bought dinner from Emporium. after dinner I as usual, skyped with the boys till 4/5am (:

say hello mom and what felt like fucking 3kg per hand worth of stuff

my buys (;

babyyyyyy
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5/3/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY FOUR♥) X
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it was mom's 2nd offday so we wokeup at 10am, our bodys aching but revved up to shop! this time her gay colleague, this guy named Kevin followedsuit so the three of us hopped into the drivers van. we went to this open market called Chatuchak and despite it being interesting, I honestly HATED it. I was sweating the wholetime there(&im a crankyBITCH when Im sweaty!) and pushing thru sweaty, smelly crowds under the blistering hot sun was HELL. mom &I even got lost so imagine trying to find your way when youre about to just like, DIE of heatstroke!

.. they sold all sorts of animals there.

how the boutiques look. FUCKING CROWDED AND HOT WEI NO JOKE.

coconut icecreammm

worms/grasshoppers fried as FOOD

me &mom in the blistering. fucking.heat.

in the safety of our vannnn, hum hallelujahhh.

makeup free, sweaty, &cranky. I think at that point I told mom " I wouldnt go back there even if you dragged me by the hair ! "

my buys againn
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... mom &I were supposed to go for a Thai massage, but we were both so damn exhausted we skipped it to rest in our hotelroom. at night, we went shopping again (you bettt I annoyed mom by making her PROMISE the place we were going wasnt remotely similair to hellhole Chatuchak a thousand times beforeeven agreeding!) at Swanloong. I loved it, it was super relaxing and not crowded in the least bit;D got home around 11pm and I skyped with the boys till 7am.

convo over the yummy dinner;
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me: yknow this fucking idiot cameup to me and kept asking me whether I was married just now? do they sell brides or something in Thai ah?
mom: dunno? but girl you shouldve told the guy, ' why yes- Im married and have 4kids ' see what he would have to say then! the bloody fool.

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7/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY FIVE♥)
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mom's third dayoff so after wakingup at noon, we shopped at SiamCentre. ate at anw there and it sucked cicakballs compared to the menu we have here. the clothes werent to die for as well but meh, it wasnt a waste of time at all. I still enjoyed myself with mom (:

fucking prettttttty cigs that tasted like SHIT, unfortunately!

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we got back at 5pm and the weather was hot as hell. relished the aircond and ended up napping till 8pm! my *banana* came all of a sudden so we canceled the massage again. mom &I stayedin, watching telly ordering room service and chatting. at that point I had ordered so much roomservice they said ' be patient i know you hungry madam ' when I called them, wtf!o.o haha. skyped with baby till 3am.. and babyderrick &I ended up getting back together officially♥

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8/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY SIX♥)
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mom was back to work again, so I wokeup ALONE in the hotelroom for the 2nd time. got dressed, and the driver sent me to Platinum, my HEAVEN for my last shopping spree. spent 2K Baht just that day itself and I went back to the hotelroom around 4pm, SATISFIED. had nothing to do so I napped, and when I wokeup I was still alonnnne so baby temaned me till mom got back from work late that night.

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9/2/2010
(BANGKOK, thailand: DAY SEVEN♥)
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missed breakfast as we overslept. mom and I checkedout at noon, and I followed mom to some productionhouse. Skyped with my darlings smoking, while mom worked.

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.. FINALLY left for the airport in the evening. mom took Thaiairways while I took fucking AIRASIA(but to be fair she gave me 500 USD to blow) so saw mom+friend off at their gate and I walkedaround pushing my trolley like a littlegirl for an hour plus in the huggge airport alone before boarding the plane ALONE onceagain. btw, my luggage was OVERWEIGHT but mom charmed her way outta the fine. I guess the seducing-to-get-our-way runs in the blood (;

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charmed numerous men around me into carrying my luggage so I didnt so much as touch it (; HAHAH. practically ran outta the airport cause I knew baby and maxine were waiting for me. I go outside, and there my smallboy is holding this huge bouquet of babypink roses!! we went to settle my maggigoreng craving and I was home by 3am. I loved Bangkok but life is wayyyy too good for me in Msia to not miss (;

first sign that baby really has changed for me. 16pink roses +1 plastic one which says "Ill love you till the last rose dies," a sweet fucking letter that put me on the brink of tearingup &a pack of pallmalls♥ hes never done something this sweet for me.
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10/2/2010
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lunched with baby, sueann, weiming, and maxine at Plus8 then rushed for my manicure at Colourculture in TropicanaCityMall. baby temaned me as usual (:

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.. I stayedover at baby's after and we just talked and talked till we fell asleep at 6am. I swear just by two days being back with baby I noticed every minor change hes made. he doesnt expect me to pay anymore, in turn he pays for me whenever possible. and when I eat he treats me like a damn princess, wiping my mouth etc. there is nothing like knowing the person who hugs you to sleep at night, loves you just AS MUCH as you love him♥

freshhh dualtone hotpink manicurrre

the star he sleeps with everynight, with my Blackjack who hasnt left my side since I was 9.
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11/2/2010
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I sleptin while baby went to school. he came home looking ahdorable in his uniform and showered me with kisses (: we were both strapped for cash so with a combined total of rm11 we ate chickenrice for lunch. it was hilarious, we were both so damn broke! rested, then baby dropped me home at 5pm. while onthephone to him at midnight that night, THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT. it was one of the hottest days in the FUCKING year and I couldnt believe my neighborhoods luck! the whole fam surprisingly slept just fine but I was up suffering for hours :( baby snuckover at 4am tho, bearing hugs and colddrinks, and it made everything better♥ the electricity came back early in the morning and I konged as soon as it did.
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12/2/2010
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nic, auntysandy mom and I went to get our eyebrows done at Bangsar. then at night sueanne perenelle amoigeram came down from Singapore for a sleepover! she could only spend onenight as she came down for CNY &had to spend it with her fam but I enjoyed the catchup session nonetheless. only we know every detail of eachothers dirtysecrettts. if we were to ever write a conjoined book itd be a fucking bestseller haha(;
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13/2/2010 + 14/2/2010
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cleanedout my closet (: &my fam hosted a reunion dinner at night. we yeesang'ed and did the whole traditional thing with my uncleSimon and schizophrenic(but much better!) grandma. yambasket ngom ngom ngom;D

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happy CNY &ValentinesDay, loves!
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the fam cameover for lunch and it was all gambling, eurasian curries fused with chinesefood, baileys and the genetic Hendroff laugh echoing throughout the house all day. the Pro's of having a Eurasian mother and a Chinese father is getting to celebrate CNY as well as Christmass in the most unique way. the Con's tho, is that I get no more than RM150 in angpao form every year!

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.. wentout with shihonn at night to celebrate Valentines as baby was in his hometown and the lastthing I wanted was to stay home. had dinner at Delicious, in Bangsar then watched TheWolfman at TropicanaCityMall. was home by 3am.

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15/2/2010
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went for dinner with valerie and maxine at Plus8, and baby surprised me by showingup unexpectedly! missed him so damn much when he was in his hometown so I was impossibly happy to see him! ate Baskins and followed the lot to gamble at cheungken's. daddy taught me to not BELIEVE in gambling so I never have and never will. bought ramliburger and sleptover at baby's that night. 13times, coughcough (;

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16/2/2010
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baby and I had lunch at McDs before he sent me home in the evening. couldnt make it to Ou intime, sorry nikkid love:( nic and auntysandy were over bumming with the 'rents in the basement as my brothers followed my godma back to AFamosa a coupledays back- I guess the 'rents really felt our absence in the emptyhouse! went for dinner at Plus8 with baby a fewhours after coming home. followed him for another gambling session at cheungken's and I was so fucking tired by the time the day was over, that I napped till 5 or 6am at baby's.
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17/2/2010
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wokeup after a 3hoursleep for CollegeScouting with mom and dad. had lunch first at Jaya noodlehouse, then checkedout KDU. Im positive its the college for me as I cant imagine having to withstand the HEAT of going to a cibai college in subang/ the MUNDANE 'AC' lifestlye. went to checkout numerous drivingschools as well! Yumcha'd with shihonn at LittleBU 10mins upon reaching home, and went to baby's right after. the two of us yumcha'd with etain that night and was overwhelmed with the amount of SHIT I foundout about my not-so-fucking-super-superman :/ went to maxines for abit, then baby sleptover at my place.
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18/2/2010
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baby and I dragged ourselves outta my bed at 9.30am, put on comfy clothes and went for dimsum with valerie and maxine. after numerous stops at Ou/ Bakerscottage/ maxines dads place/7eleven we started on our journey to send valerie back to her NS camp in malacca.

FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOOOOD

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.. we were back in KL by 7pm. rushed home to change, then baby and maxine accompanied me to tija strawberry bigspenderr's 18th Bday Party at her place. IT WAS SO GOOD TO CATCHUP WITH SHELLY + TIJA (:

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19/2/2010 + 20/2/2010 + 21/2/2010
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wentover to baby's to spendtime with him, then yumcha'd with etain and eric at night. was hommmme by 5am.
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wokeup at 10am, but as per usual whenever Im on time my 'rents arent! went to checkout IACT college and disliked it. my 'rents have been annoyingly persistent on me studying overseas. I was initially set on studying ADP as Ive got my future in the US all planned out for me, but I backed out on that dream. as soon as I was done with everything, baby and I went to OU. had lunch at TGIF(so ofcourse I saw my bigspenderr darling) and missed our movie so we endedup going back to baby's to nap. in the midst of things, babys grandpa had a stroke so he had to rush to the hospital. maxine and I visited him for a bit, and the 3of us had dinner. maxine &I yumcha'd at AnW after and I was snoringup a storm in bed by 2am.

in eachothers wallets (:
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. . . . WHEW finally fucking done. babys coming home from school soon and my stomach is grumblinggg so I guess it ends here for now. stayedover at baby's lastnight and so should be heading home soon. got an Advertisement to do on Thursday, and tomorrows a helluva big day for baby &I so I guess its safe to conclude that I havent been this happy with my life in a longtime, heh (: staytuned.
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& before I signoff, since tomorrows the 24th..
HAPPY 6MONTH ANNI, baby!♥

I truly believe there are only a handful of couples who love eachother as much as we do. anyone can see how much youve changed me and I couldnt be more thankful. we went thru our own share of rough patches but please, love always triumphs all and you NOW treat me better than anyone else ever has. here's to more anni's to come baby♥♥♥
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We trade whispers over
Cell phones under cover
From those sleeping at our sides
Your kiss, in the distance is
Crimeless without a witness♥

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p/s: there is nothing more dissapointing than finding out the person you CHOSE to believe in, CHOSE to standup for despite what everyone said was as bad as everyone says he was. worthless fights.
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xxx

2010-01-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

[EDIT///]
January 28th '10
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against all odds, I forgave him and got back together with him 2days ago.
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I told him Im willing to forgive and forget, if he made a few changes for me. but I guess his typical fashion is kicking in as I have yet to see these changes. weve only been back together for a couplve days, but I am exhausted already. this is his one last chance and hes blowing it without a care in the world, not making any effort at all. it is suffocating being in a relationship with someone you love so much but dont trust.
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I am trying with all my might and will but to no avail. why dont just leave him, you ask? the truth is im a coward. those 2days without him were liberating, and the world seemed so much bigger with so many possibilities- but without him by my side everything, everything I swear seemed so scary. I was immobile. and come to think of it, I still am. I am not strong enough to leave him, and I am not strong enough to be without him.
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both options cause tears and rob me of my sleep, my appetite, my happiness.
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to my avid readers, youd know how the second a boy hurts me I am out of there- I have never done this to myself. I have never literally allowed someone to hurt me this much and get away with it. he still continues to hurt me, right down to this very second and I am hanging on a string when you love someone you give them all of you. I truly did. I have never given a boy this much in my life, and after him I dont think I ever will.
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I wish there was a sureshot way of knowing where the next few days will take him and me.
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whenever things were bad between me and him, I always settled knowing he is WORTH the fight, that he is worth everything. I mean, isnt everything else you love in life worth fighting for, too? but I do not know anymore. I am exhausted. and the best part is he isnt doing a single thing to convince me to stay, to keep fighting. he leaves it at "I know Im fucked up" and thats it. if he really loved me as much as he says he did he would be giving it his all. yet even now, Im doing all the fighting. I want him to fight for this relationship for a change and no, thats not selfish of me at all cause I deserve atleast that after everything hes done.
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does love REALLY triumph all?
- - -
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now that Ive left you ;
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maybe youd start loving my loud laugh instead of trying to hide your embarrassed face from me when we're out, making me feel obliged to apologize when Im at my happiest.

maybe youd regret all those ' joking ' comments you made about my inability to diet/my 'fats' causing me to be unable to eat right or even look at myself properly in the mirror after without feeling low and too fat for you.

maybe youd start appreciating the fact I waited up, for countless nights that sometimes wentup to 5hours on you to come home no matter how tired I was just to make sure you were okay eventhough you always fell asleep onthephone all but 10mins into the call.

maybe youd finally have something to say instead of mumbled halfhearted apologies, for that time I foundout you were laughing about how " my girlfriends asleep edi, she thinks im doing homework/showering/sleeping, faster lets ____(insert activities you did behind my back, here) " to your friends- all those lies, those things you did behind my back and how you LAUGHED at me for getting away with it makes me literally wince whenever I think about it.

maybe youd realize I actually savedup and sacrificed just to buy you all those things I did, that after some big buys for you I sometimes didnt have cash to eat but I never told a soul.

maybe youd realize how you had the habit of ordering things off the menu, and how I always ended up paying for you eventho you didnt even ask permission or thank me after.

maybe youd realize how sad the fact that I willingly spent around RM900+ on you throughout our 5month relationship is, when you spent less than RM100 on me- its not like I date boys expecting cash but it hurts how I can sacrifice for you and you dont bother doing the same for me.

maybe youll miss me going to DU all the way from Gasing every other day, and tagging along with you and your friends to wherever complaint-free from day to night, just to be able to spendtime with you, instead of feeling like I was a burden for holding you back from Dota-ing etc at 4am whenever I was too tired to even walk right.

maybe youll actually miss hugging me to sleep instead of complaining your arms hurt and that you can never sleep comfortably with me.

maybe youll regret all those times you snapped and shouted at me so loud people stared, for the smallest of things, making me feel like the most pathetic girl in the world whenever we were out and you were in a bad mood.

maybe youd miss me attempting to dressup for you, instead of making weirdedout faces and asking ' yerh bi why you wearing that? ' making me feel semiconscious and ugly for the rest of the day.

maybe youll regret never once telling me I was pretty, never once complimenting me for the 7months Ive known you, when in turn I always made it a point to whisper how much I loved each of your flaws because I never wanted you to feel bad about yourself.

maybe youll holdon to the things I gave you with more care, like littlenotes, gifts I sacrificed to get for you, the letters I wrote you, or the old schoolnotes I dug up to help you with your studies instead of chucking them aside like garbage all over your room.

maybe youll realize just how many friendships Ive ruined for you, cause I completely stopped going out with 80% of my friends whom are guys as I knew in my heart youd either start an argument, get insanely jealous or start yet another fight.

maybe youd miss opening/closing doors for me + pulling chairs for me, instead of frequently forgetting, making me being forced to risk sounding like a brat, having to remind you numerous times how those tiny gestures can make my day.

maybe youd see how horrible you were to jumpup, push me aside just to answer a call/reply someone on MSN right smack in the middle of a cuddling/makeout session EVERYSINGLETIME- leaving me hanging there like that feeling like shit, as if whoever the fuck was talking to you was more important than me.

maybe youd think twice before breaking my sister and her boyfriend up, by feeding him linebyline on HOW TO breakup with her, convincing him when he wasnt even sure, EVENTHO my sister had ALWAYS helped you with me, calling me all the way from Singapore to talk me into forgiving you as a favor to you.

maybe youd realize just how it hurt all those times something you did made me unable to to eat/sleep for a fewdays in a row, making me immobile at home, crying like a stupid bitch- over something you didnt care enough to realize you did until it was too late, and how suffocated, how BACKBONELESS you made me feel cause youd always promise me youd ' change ' and Id believe you, for the hundredth time praying to God youd stop letting me down, stop hurting me.

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... maybe, youd realize just how much I love you to have been able to put up with all of the above, and more.

& maybe baby derrick, I might not come back to you this time around.
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xxx

COPYCAT ALERT

2010-01-16T02:50:00.000-08:00

[edit// 7:59pm, Jan 17th '10]

the uglyfuck took my 'advice' and deleted her blog already. haha! it was amusing while it lasted tho (;

so about 5minutes ago, my cousin MSNed me a link, saying theres this girl whos been copying me and that I really should take a look.

what link? click;

http://www.tinybutdangerous.blogspot.com/

there.

even the URL got me scoffing as it resembles my Description on Facebook. anyone whos on my friendlist on Facebook would know! but okay whatevs, with apprehension, I scrolled through and was HORRIFIED to discover how this girl had the NERVE to copy my previous post BULATBULAT.

sueanne amoigeram peps took a screenshot of it just incase the littlebitch changes her story after. wanna see?

DOUBLECLICK, &COMPARE THE WORDS IN GREY&RED WITH MY PREVIOUS POST PLEASE. she literally COPYPASTED my previouspost &added her own nonsense at the end as a pathetic attempt to seem ' original. '

I express my disgust to my cousin, and she tells me, she previously asked the little UNORIGINAL BITCH why her blog AboutMe was EXACTLY THE SAME AS MINE- and the bitch changes the WHOLETHING second later to hush questions, fearing she would be found out (;

do I know the girl? well. she randomly started talking to me on my Cbox lastyear or something and since she had the same surname as me, Hon, and claimed to be my cousin, I layan-ed her for the sake of it. Ive always noticed how shes sucked up by leaving compliments on numerous profilepictures of mine on FB but hey, she never mattered enough to give second thought yknow? I didnt bother much.

.. untill now. motherfucking Nicholle Zoey Hon.

I know I know, its not YOUR FAULT you were born SO fugly and uncreative you had to RESORT to copying people. but still, could you get any more pathetic ? sigh. I pity you lah. bytheway darling readers, GO AHEAD &POLLUTE HER CBOX ALL YOU WANT. shes so desperate for attention I have this twisted feeling she'd even thank you for the bad comments (; shed think of it as a FAVOR !

this may not be the firsttime someones done this shit to me (Ive had a girl fucking use my pictures as her Myspace displaypics 3times before!) but this is, the firsttime Ive been able to catch someone doing it. I have a feeling shes either going to..

REMOVE all lines/material shes copied me with and DENY she ever did such a thing
try her best to REPLY to this post, and TRY to be bitchy saying she would never want to copy ' someone like me ' that Im being selfcentered when in truth she wouldnt even know what to be without me (:
delete her blog

fugly uncreative little SHIT, you better opt for the 3rd option. I have yet to post this on FB. already told you I pity YOURKIND, so go ahead. Ill give you a headfuckingstart before I fucking ruin whatever thats left of your nonexistent reputation (:

HAIYO PATHETIC LAHHHHHH KAN, people nowadays -_-

xxx

2010-01-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I, am turning 18 this year. &boy am I in a rut!

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despite lastyear being nothing short of an utter whirlwind its like whoa, where the fuck did all the time go yknw? alot has changed. I, have changed more than I ever thought possible. I started this post declaring my current.. inability to move backwards/forward with anything in life with yes, a kazillion reasons and elaborations behind it but the main underlying reason is well, I honestly DO NOT know where my life is headed as of right now.
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yes, on january 11th 2010, at 1:36am, I naomi paige hon, do not know what the hell Im doing/goingtodo with my life.
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its funny yknow. you growup with all these dreams.. mine consisted of living short, colorful lives in sparkling cities all over the world. to be classy and artsy-fartsy, sipping on hotchocolate smoking longfiltered cigarretes eating croissants in the heart of Paris, to be sexy and crazy, rocking the underground scene with my housemate who shared a pretty apartment in Newyork, to be content with life, writing my memoir in my rose garden as I lookedon at my beautiful grandchildren in England. I aspired to be all these different people!
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but with age, comes responsibilities as well as coldhard-cutthroat reality.
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putting aside all those wild dreams that seemed so vivid I could literally taste them on my tongue, highschool is OVER. Ive floated from groups of friends to groups of friends and I could go on forever about the people Ive met/lost, the things weve been through and what each of them have taught me, but I wont do that. Ive silently kept every memory, every lesson learned in my heart. I truly believe Ive been thru alot more than the average girl has, and its taken me a long time to be able to say this, but I thank God for the life Ive lived so far. cheers to all the boys who have broken my heart. cheers to the toxic friends I consensually disposed from my life. cheers to those who have labelled me. cheers bitches! pain teaches you so much, you have no idea. without the shit Ive experienced and shittimes ive been thru, I wouldnt have been able to find the strength to handle the NEXT shit that came my way.
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clubbing partying drugs slutting? been there, *yawn* done that.
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I dont know how exactly it happened, but Ive MOVED ON. the reason I let myself sink so low lastyear was because I didnt have respect for myself, or for the people I love. I disgraced my heart and body. my selfworth was at an ultimate low but I shielded it well. the deeper I got into the whole scene, the more people I met and afterawhile the glamor wore off. the people I knew, were going NOWHERE in life. and I? refused to let myself become one of them. so 3months prior to SPM, I stayed home. I studied. I resisted temptation and it was hard at first, but after meeting my current boyfriend, everything just got easier with him in my life.
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4months 17days later and here I am.
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the boyfriend I mentioned? yeah, hes pretty much my world now. Ive graduated from highschool, my parents are pushing me to decide 'what I want to do with the rest of my life' and with no license, no grades to worry about, my days have become progressively desolate. time's a tickin' and I know by right I shouldve had my post-SPM life craefully planned out like the rest of my friends but hell, I dont know okay! is the fact that I havent picked out a college so damn hard to believe? what I wouldnt give to be able to like, freeze time.
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I wakeup every morning hoping that when my head hits my zebra-striped pillow at night,
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.. the questions Ive been vying for would have come to me by then. that by the end of the night I can sleep soundly KNOWING how/what/where/when. but for the past month or so, the only SURE thing Ive been going to sleep with at night.. is my love with Derrick Alexander Nathan. our love, is something I can depend on. it is the one SURE thing in my life and I couldnt be more thankful for the strength, the stability, Everything this boy has given me in the past 5-6 months. so everynight, I go to sleep thanking God for giving me a boy like him who loves and accepts me for everything I am, everything I was, and everything Im going to be. I just so badly wish I could go to sleep at night knowing every OTHER aspect in my life was as secure as my current relationship!
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but for now,
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.. I guess what Im doing is stretching this current duty-less, goal-less thing as far as I can. yes, I AM aware that I cant be a lazy slob forever more and continue to put my entire future on hold like this but its like, Im comfortable with everything I have right now, the kind of lifestyle I lead, and all the people in my life- so why make all the cibai drastic desitions NOW? eventhough its worrying sometimes, all this freetime is enjoyable on the most part! everyone started 2010 hoping for changes. I, have made all the changes I want months ago so the whole ' new-year-new-clean-slate ' thing didnt really hit me for the first time in years. Im not READY for college life, Im not READY to adjust to being able to drive myself around, im not READY for all these changes everyones so damn excited about!
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.. so how?!
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xxx

2010-01-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

hello {whatevers left of my} readers! haha.

it's going to be a long one, so.. *insert halfhearted apology &elaboration on monthlong blogging hiatus, here* ..HELLO UPDATES (;
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PRE/ DURING SPM

my new love (:

daddy's 46th bday, where baby helped me rushout in the middle of the day to buy him a cake to surprise him with at night (:

me and baby's 3rd month Anni♥ - where I came home from my Moral SPM paper &found this on my bed (:

ethanbaby's 9th bday

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&& POST-SPM ...
4/12/2009
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sang merdeka songs alllllll the way home from school, after completing my last SPM paper!! ;D changed, showered, and napped for 20mins as I only got 3hours of sleep the night before. NOTHING has ever tired me out more than sitting for SPM papers, ergh.

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went to Midv with imankambing;

and we watched Newmoon. have never been a fan and as romantic as it was, mannn was it slow -_- talkedcock at starbucks and rushed to Bangsar where my very pissedoff stylist Jackham awaited me, heh. dyed my hair Mahagonyred for rm280 at ShawnCutler.
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had dinner with Nic at Delicious,

.. &met baby♥ at Centrepoint, where I followed him to a friends party for abit. got bored so tija strawberry bigspender picked me up, and rescued me ;D went to uptown to help Faiz with his college assignment, and was back at babys by 4am to sleepover.

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5/12/2009
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was home wearing baby's funny loose shirt by 6pm. showered, packed, and was so sleepy I thought I was going to die! met with sueanne, my AMOIGERAM PERENELL PEPS, who was FRESH back from singapore, at 10pm ;D missed my sister like hell okay! dumped our luggagecases;

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.. and we ran out from her place literally 10minutes later for Genting with tija, boboy and faiz.

this was taken at the rock, and we were all FREEZING OUR ASSES OFF. it was so dark &cold, when I walked off to enable me to light a cig, I got shocked by this couple sitting on the floor in the dark and I SCREAMED my ass off. so malufying! haha.

it was extra foggy ontheway up!

was staaaarving so RAN to McDs and spent 15ringgit on a damn burger. look at naomi the fatty go ;D ngomngom

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.. walkedaround being silly, and had a drink at the mamak before heading back to car to sleep for 2hours. yes, we slept in the car and it was quite an experience! had brekkie at subang and was back at sueannes by 9am. of fog paranoia, noisy indians, boyf missing.
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6/12/2009
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wokeup at 7pm. shared dinner, and yumcha'd at Tanjung with sam and zhengwei.

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jasonvoon picked us before midnight, and the four of us session'ed at bryans till 9am.

of regrets, gucci paranoia, double eclipses &lies.
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7/12/2009
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was dying to sleep when we got back at 9am, but baby♥ &I was fighting like FUCK onthephone from the minute I got home, till 2pm. suffered thru 4hours of hell while amoi slept. yumcha'd with baby around subang at 10pm and the fighting got increasingly worse ;( was home red-eyed by 4am, and bryan picked us up minutes after getting home. went to kepong and was home by 8am. emo'd like fuck whole way thru. sigh, how baby and I argue!
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8/12/2009
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wokeup at 4pm. forced ourselves to eat Mcds but the gastric pains and vomitting were un-fucking-bearable. mcds milo works miracles tho! watched 'How to lose friends &make enemies' as we couldnt move. left at midnight in my pyjammies to baby's place, to talk things out. sleptover at babys♥ around 5am, while amoi rested at home.

of whispered iloveyous &futureplans
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9/12/2009
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wokeup at 1pm. had lunch with babys♥ sis, followed his friend maxine around to look at car stuff and was back at sueanne's by 6pm. we were both staving, so we walked right out and FEASTED after half a week of nofood. bakkutteh, kuihs, ramliburgers, NYOMNYOMNYOM.

look at our faces HAHA
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fell asleep napping on the couches, only to be wokenup by Ade's call. Ade picks us at 1am, we yumcha'd at Tanjung and went to his friend's houseparty. came home at 5am stoned like madddd. struggled like bimbos to microwave leftovers and slept at 8am.

geram &grumpy

zebrastripes &cheqs

say hello to adenaur engkamat & his rollie pollie ollie (:
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10/12/2009
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wokeup at 7pm. rushed to shower, and rushed out for dinner at Esquirekitchen in Pyramid. flipped a coin cause we couldnt decide where to eat heh! coudn't shop by the time dinner was done, as all the shops were closed sobsob ;(

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jasonvoon picked us up from there to yumcha, and from there we session'ed at bryans.

of future lectures, rich&poor destinies, forbidden touches &one fucking hilarious 'swallowed my cig' phonecall to the talian rokok! was back at sueannes by 10am, exhausted beyond words.
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11/12/2009
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had a toughtime deciding between kuantan or genting, but ended up FFKing all our plans, opting to REST instead. finally got to sleep at 4pm, and wokeup at 9pm just as exhausted. I rushed to getup and get dressed at 10pm as I was so tired I slept thru all my alarms omgawd! jiarong picked me, and the both of us yumcha'ed at Canaicafe while amoi rested at home. met baby at TTDI around 1am, and finally got to sleep at 6am. sleptover at baby's.

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12/12/2009
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wokeup at 2pm. had lunch at McDs and followed baby around- my eyes were dying cause I so wasnt used to being up&about in the daytime o.o somehow got into a massive fight with baby again, but it ended well with baby wiping my tears away. sigh, seriously after everything weve gone through LOVE is what keeps us going. no matter what we do to eachother we know its never good enough of a reason to give up what we have. noone, I repeat, noone has what baby&I have and a relationship like that? is WORTH fighting for. sleptover at baby's.

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13/12/2009
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had dimsum for brekkie with baby and baby's mom. was honestly damn hungry, and despite dimsum being my fav I had to tahan for the life of me cause I was as nervous as always in babys mom's prescence! tagged along to baby's aunts place with baby's mom and was back at sueanne's by 6pm. woke sleepingbeauty up, had a nice long shower and napped till 9pm. my parents picked the both of us up at 9pm, and we both struggled to draaaaaag our luggagecases. came home looking we were fresh out of tanjungrambutan, what with our wethair, tattered pyjammies and stuffed suitcases in the dead of the night! haha. had dinner, and bryan +jasonvoon picked us up at 11pm. session'ed at jasons, and was home by 5am, sleeping only a couplve hours later. of frenching and pillows.
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14/12/2009
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wokeup 6pm. bummed around, and ate like piglets. we were both so damn thankful we got our appetites back! went to the mamak at 10pm and had our usuals. slept at 6am, vowing to have more ' normal ' days instead of goingaround being nocturnal druggedup zombies.

of slug punnishments, dog- catching and patio cigarettes
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15/12/2009
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overslept, only waking up at 5pm! rushed to Bangsar. got my eyebrows done, and we both got manicures at Kukubar&Soongailing. had dinner at madamkwans, and was home by 11pm. of stalkers, nosepicking bitches, and missed-cute-guy smiles. slept at 5am.

highwaisted satin skirts &studs

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16/12/2009
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wokeup at 3pm. rushed as usual, and shopped like mad in KL for 5hours straight.

of lala heaven, hot combination guy and flipflop regrets! was home by 11pm, our feet aching. talked to tipsy baby onthephone till 4am, and konged straight.
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17/12/2009
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wokeup at 4pm, but sis only gotup at 7pm cause of her insomnia, poorthing. skipped our initial shopping plans at Midv as it was too late! ate, bummed, and bitched instead. slept at 7am, feeling healthy and rested (:

^ our ULTIMATE SOLUTION to strange losers who text, muahaha ;)

struggling to wrap baby's Xmas gift (: struggled fr almost an hour plus wrapping gifts for everyone okay! theyre BADLY wrapped.. but wrapped with love ;D haha
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18/12/2009
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wokeup at 2pm- the earliest weve wokenup in a longtime! rushed to get dressed, and baby♥ picked us up for OU at 2pm. it was so so sooo good to see him! ate blabla, and amoi and I seperated- she went on a date with TheBlob while I spenttime with my bi and his friends. of jacko crushes, sneaky xmas gifts, fateful froplets and boomchickalaka mama morphing. I went back to baby's at 11pm. yumcha'ed at rastas at 2am, and baby gaveup Dota plans cause I was sleepy. he even droveout in the deadofthenight to buy me pads♥ slept for abit at baby's, and amoi &I reunited and went back home at 8am.

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19/11/2009
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bummed around and did nothing productive other than watching this scaryfuck traditional japanese horrormovie, sleeping scared outta our wits at 6am!

.. we MMS our closefriends pictures like this. haha!

my house, has en endless supply of food. blame me now for being as round as I am?
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20/12/2009
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wokeup early at 2pm. met baby♥ at Tropicanacitymall after nohelp from the cabdriver. had bak kut teh and followed baby for futsall. amoi fell asleep on the benches HAHAHA. of tamponworries and hotblueshirts. the both of us went back to baby's around 4am, and we sleptover.

I love my flats&sneakers as much as I love my 5inch heels (;
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21/12/2009
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dragged our asses outta bed at 10am for a dimsum brekkie. of drug woes, addictions &2month pregnant-like stomachs. was home by 3pm. went to the mamak again later at night, where stupid rempits kept commenting on my butt eventho we were both dressed like shit, blargh. zhengwei ajaked to club, and since we had nothing to do we said yes.
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went to Quattro KL;

lovelove this.

.. and got so damn tipsy sis and I were RED from head to toe. drama EXPLODED but nothing happened thankgawd. went back to zhengwei's, to the SS15 hotel with bryan, and was finally back home by 6am. amoi was GONE haha ;S
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22/12/2009
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wokeup at 5pm and like every other day we rushed. reached Pyramid around 5pm, looking like crap with barely any makeup on and in lazy breezy tops. did lastminute Prom + Xmas shopping and slept at 4am. learned a great lesson that day but Im in no position to elaborate here (; have always taken SIGNS FROM GOD seriously.

shes my SISTER for a reason, bitches (;
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23/12/2009
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gotup at noon and rushed like fuck. first to Bangsar to get my prom clutch, then to ss15 to get my hair and makeup done at Artistic for rm100. the russian lady was so damn stubborn I threw a bitchfit! grr. tija strawberry bigspender joined, and in the midst of the pouring rain amoi and I rushed to SS19.

lunch at Flirt n feed

hellooo bigspenderrr !

I SALUTE girls who puton fakeeyelashes &foundation EVERYDAY. I may wear makeup, but omgawd to put on THIS much everyday would be quite a task! sis&I are thankful were pretty enough to walkoutta the house without a dot of makeup on and still be able to turn heads (: hahaha. spot ' Derrick ' painted on my hand (;

baby picked me from there after an hourlong wait, and amoi went back home while I went for..
S r i K L ' s P r o m a t R e n a i s s a n c e, K L.

I know you love my dress (;

my one &only♥

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... baby♥ was my date ofcourse, and eventho it was BORINGGG LIKE FUCK, him being there made all the money spent and planning worthwhile. left the hotel at 11pm, for McDs centrepoint and CocoBanana with baby's sister right after. was reluctant to go Coco atfirst because I was sooo drained! but I guess it was okay. went back to baby's at 6am, and sleptover. of glitter spray woes, rain fighting, dragdoll worries, shaking rage, warehouse masjid changing &corset breaths.
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24/12/2009
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me &baby's 4th month Anni♥ (:
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followed baby to do carstuff, and was home by 6pm, with amoi already waiting for me there. rushed to shower, and then to UncleMike's for my yearly Xmas dinner with the whole family. sis came along as my guest (: enjoyed the usual round of scrumpcious food and gorg gifts.

eurasian curries, turkey with stuffing, spicy mashedpotato pie, quail egg pie, butter rice, extra large pizzas, roasted blackpepper beef.. WOOH I ate 2helpings! ;D
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baby♥ came inside briefly, and he met the whole fam before he kidnapped both sueanne and I to Cocobanana around midnight.

look who finally got together wei ;)

SIS'S BROKEN SHOE GOT ME IN STITCHES THE WHOLENIGHT HAHAHAH!

ripped from baby's sisters blog.
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sueanne and I sleptover at baby's after. it amazes me how Im always the SOBER one nowadays ;D a few months back I was the trainwreck. now look whos the goodytwoshoes eh? (: told yall I was making a change fer-real.
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25/12/2009
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the both of us were back at my place by 3pm. being ChristmasDay we stayedhome, enjoying daddy blasting old Xmas records and stuffing our faces with eurasian treats. Babytania cameover for abit and she was ahdorable, as usual. just kept eating and eating heh! slept at 6am.

miiiiine. I totes prefer lastyears gifts but hey, who am I to complain?
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26/12/2009
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wokeup at 3pm, my throat aching. pineapple tarts are lethal! went to Ou at 7pm to meet our respective boyfs. went to TTDI after, where sis and I splitup, she going with bryan while I followed baby♥ back to his place. rested, and reunited with sis at 6am. went home only to be LOCKEDOUT for an hour and a half!!! got bitten by mosquitos and was sleepy as hell so were were dying. thought my maid DIED in her sleep cause noone was awake till 7.30am o.o of love &purehate for boyfs, fat exboyfs &shared hatred of dota! slept at 10am.

matching chequered dresses (:

waiting anxiously to be let in the house at 7am!
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27/12/2009
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wokeup at 7pm, and bummmmmmmmmmmmed the day away. was so sleepy we were in and out of sleep the whole night. sorry shalene for not making it to your Xmas dinner ;( slept at 6am.
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28/12/2009
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wokeup at noon. rushed to meet our boyfriends at Pavillion, only to wait for them for 2hours! bought myself a DKNY wallet during the long wait as I was itching to spend my moolah. also bought matching Paulfrank bags (: the four of us ate at Ichiban, and we went to OU right after where I payed half of babys pumas. killedtime at wongkok, ate at baskins, and was home by 8pm. of evil extortions, ugly seasons &sakai boyfriends.

our matching Paulfrank totes &my new DKNY wallet (:
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29/12/2009
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bummed around! did nothing spectacular other than;

... bake brownies for baby at midnight (: slept at 6am.
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30/12/2009
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sis and I dragged our stuff to baby's place at 11am. dumped our load of stuff, and struggled to get baby♥ out of bed haha. baby's dad dropped us to Montkiara and I was scared shitless the whole time! was uber late, but sis and baby followed me to;
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Natliew's 17th Bday lunch at Porta Romano.

spot the diff. sueanne & I may be sisters, but our taste in BOYS &clothes couldnt be more of a contrast!

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went to breakers, then to bryans, and finally back at baby's by evening. got dressed, then went for Jon's 21st at Bamboo.

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.. baby♥ got wasted and I tookcare of him allnight. there was even a point where he put his entire weight on me, causing the both of us to fall to the ground so you can imagine how worried I was all night long! mm. calvin and baby went somewhere else while sis and I stayed back at his place, and as tired as we were, we waited up for them for a good 2 or 3hours. changed babys clothes for him, cleaned him up and finally went to bed in peace an hour later at 7am.

whoops!

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31/12/2009
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got up at noon STARVING. stuffed our faces at KFC, then sis, baby and I bummed at his place the whole evening.

getting rid of TRASH for baby (; what is it with boys &ugly exgirlfriends?
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I honestly didnt want to go out eventho it was Newyears, but the rest was determined to do something. sis and I packed as light as we could, and completely FORGOT we would be spending our Newyears at baby's so we were forced to go our dressed like shit. went to OU and walked to TheCurve just to watch the fireworks. I was grumpy, sweaty, and I put on a happy facade at the beginning, but baby snapped at me at onepoint and it broke my heart but I kept quiet. Ive never been able to deal with his temper, sigh. so was depressed even at the end of Countdown! so no pics from my cam, sorry ;( sleptover at babys around 6am.

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1/12/2010
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wokeup fucking PANICKING at 9am. phone was ringing nonnnnstop and I swear I wanted to die! o.o got home at 3pm and expected a lecture of a lifetime but mom surprisingly laughed it off o.o I swear Im going to hell for being so manipulative heh (; ate, napped for an hour and dragged our sleepy asses to Ou. met calvin and when I couldnt get thru to baby, I panicked like hell. was a PYSCHO girlfriend and agreed to follow maxine to babys HOUSE to checkup on him ;X sis said he mustve felldown and hit his head or something so omgawd I was panicking! turnsout the stupidboy was only asleep so I felt.. like a sheer idiot. was home by 2am, and slept at 5am. lastnight with my amoi, sob! ;(

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.... it's now 11:30pm and 4days into 2010. have been home since amoi left as the wholefams down with the flu. Im even coughing blood, sigh. onlytime I wentout was for a quick meal with rubeshrubbish at 3am lastnight- night ended with the securityguard of my area threatening me with a fucking bat but lets not get into that! HAHA. Im currently juggling blogging, soothing my darling sister, natliew, baby, and deciding which college to checkout with mom&dad tomorrow. KBU? Taylors? fuck man, truth be told Im unsure of what course Im even taking! mom's signing me up for Driving the day after tomorrow, and with everything happening I swear I feel as if life is MOVING TOO FAST. how I wish I started school today so I wouldnt have to deal with GROWINGUP heh. as scared as I am of what is to come next, Im sorta enjoying all these changes. I wonder what the next week'll bring (;
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Porcelain and China dolls
Give me one and Ive seen them all
Got my back against the wall
Wonder where Ill be tomorrow?♥

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p/s: baby, you were the highlight of 2009. &I know in my heart, that youre going to continue being the highlight, of my EVERYDAY from here on out. Im convinced, that your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard. and the first thought I get everytime I wakeup next to you? is that youre the best thing my eyes have ever seen. thankyou, for making my year. thankyou, for being as amazing as you are babyboy.
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2009-11-16T23:56:00.001-08:00

so, SPM is in T-minus 24 hours.

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am I prepared? not as much as I should be but hell, Ive given it all Ive got.
have I been busting my big fat ass studying? been skipping school for the past 2weeks just to do so, so I pray everything Ive been doing is enough.
do I believe I will fare well? if my actual results mirror my forecast results, I wont be able to get into college. but then again, I never took trials seriously so who knows!
do my teachers believe I will fare well? they never have. feedback Ive been getting over the lastmonth have been so discouraging, I cant name ONE teacher who truly believes in me. Im doing all I can to NOT lose hope amidst all the puttingdown and discouragement.
what the fuck am I doing here, blogging then? my nerves are on the brink of exploding. Im out of cigarettes. and if I fall into my normal regime of eating to kill panic, Im going to feel stupid AND obese ;p !
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whatever it is tho, Im going to do my best to FORGET everything Ive been told by people who dont have a drop of faith in me. Im going to SOMEHOW SOMEWAY make all those hours I put in worthwhile. I am NOT going to succumb to all the negativity, or to my own self doubt. I REFUSE to end up becoming one of those girls who has all the funds necessary, but not the brains to enter college. I, can do this.
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THANKYOU to those who have been keeping my spirits up, a big FUCK YOU to the middle aged cunts who have been underestimating me, and ALL THE BEST to those who are about to fight the same battle as I am tomorrow! (; will be counting down the minutes to the 4th of December!
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2009-10-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

HI.

missed me? ofcourse you did ;) heh. its funny how Ive progressed from updating daily, to updating every fortnight, to now.. losing complete loyalty to this blog. my apologies darlings! my unshakable procrastinating tendencies, as well as growing sluggish ways have gotten the better of me. despite having to skipout on on a load of details that have morphed into this vague MESH since my last update, Imma get this longass post OVERWITH. so here we goooo ;D
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4/9/2009 +5/9/2009
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had lunch;

(where ethanbaby single-handedly devoured plate upon plate of sushi)

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&& it was hello mindnumbing, torturous 2hour drive, to PD with the fam.

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met with the rest of the fam at the YachtClub as soon as we reached in the evening, and I found salvation in beachside cigs over boyfriendtalk with nicole as our ever-chaotic fam laughed and chatted away by the poolside. the weather later got excruciatingly hot and so we retrated to our hotelrooms to shower and dollup;

(wanted to wear my converse sneakers with this dress but daddy forbid me -_-)
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.. for godma's 50th Birthday Dinner at night.

nic, the cousin I grewup with who is the reason I survive fam gatherings!
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after everyone had gone to bed, nic, ian, kyle and I setout after midnight to take moonlit walks on the beach- only to be chased back into the safety of our hotelrooms cause a fucking widstorm took over, overturning WOODEN TABLES and jamming lifts! I was onthephone to baby when it happened and I swear I thought I was going to die ;X had brekkie at the YachtClub in the morning and was home beyond exhausted by afternoon. PD tookup my entire weekend! of foulmouthed lawyer passwords, names in sand, marriage plans, flying ashtrays and gatal guards♥

mom: " naomi Im tired lah! take a picture and Ill kiiiiiiill you- "
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8/9/2009
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spenttime with baby♥ at his place till late (:
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14/9/2009- 5/10/2009
:BLAAAARDY SPM TRIALS ;(
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mygawd it felt as if there was no END okay! I honestly fucked it up, knowing my Forecast/ Trial results didnt matter as I wasnt going to use it to apply early to college like the majority of my schoolmates. agh. anyway, throughout the month I grounded myself, thinking if I forced my ass to stay home Id eventually get so bored Id study, which is why I hardly wentout at all.
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& so its HELLO COMPILED PICTURES FROM CLASS -

think Im one of those pretty proper girls? think again. if you knew me well enough this picture wouldnt surprise you! cause this is sooo me ;P

seminar after seminar

geeeeeeekin' it up for SPM yo

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.. before I get into the only things worth mentioning that happened during Trials !
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17th September;

Fran's 20th Bday

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18th September;

Calvin's 14th Bday

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19th September;

Hanis's 17th Bday
ZOUK with callyyyyy at night

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21st September;

Movie and dayout with mister lewis lucas(whom I missed so so much!) at TheCurve from noon till evening
spenttime with baby♥ at his place right after, till late

23rd September:

spenttime with baby♥ at his place(& forever will I remember this day)

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24th September:

ONEMONTH Anniversary♥

surprised him with cupcakes at his doorstep. he wasnt home so I had to convince him to FLY home, lying that a certain exfling of mine was about to do something to his house if he didnt get back soon- and I wrote ' DARI JABATAN POLIS ' on the toppve the box ;P HEHE. cupcakes courtesy of SweettoothCupcakes bytheway! (;
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25th September;

mom and I got our hair done at ShawnCutler, Bangsar. spent FIVE HOURS there, getting my hair relaxed, but it was wellworthit cause I loved the result! plus the yummy salon guys, DeathCab music and bonding with mom made the hours fly (:

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1st October;

spotted me in this months issue yet bitches? (; haha!

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6/10/2009

school was a yawn so hanis and I decided to skip it, on a whim. used stolen permissionslips(cons of going to a privateschool- nosey, strict securityguards!) and was DANCING with joy the second we passed thru ;P charged to McDs at feasted on brekkie, laughing and talking nonstop the whole way thru. in the midst of our convo, hanis's sister's friend whom neither of us know came up to our table and asked me to slap him- fucking weird much o.o went to Bangsar after, and finally got this sexy satin skirt Ive been vying for ;D Sipped down juices at Marmalade, and back to SS15 where I met baby. dropped hanis back to school, and wentover to baby's place right after. was home before midnight and couldnt believe I was as exhausted as I was! had SOOO much fun tho(: of runningaway from policecars, 'hanis's " sir ", mattress precautions, and being schoolgirl misfits♥
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7/10/2009
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HAPPY SEXY TUJUHBELAS-th, TEKKIN NIKKID (:

you were there for me, through heartache after heartache, and altho your adivice hurts me sometimes, I know you only tell me things I need to hear, the truth. Iloveyou nikkid, youre one of my best guy friends and Ill always be your tinygilagirl!
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being the naughty schoolgirls we are, we decided to skip school again ;X
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so nat, hanis and I setout onceagain using the same permissionslip tactic and mygawd the feeling of SATISFACTION you get those 5seconds after youve fooled the guards is INDESCRIBABLE! went to McDs for brekkie again, and I wentover to baby's place while hanis and nat went to shop at Pavillion. poor baby of mine, I woke him up ;P snuck back into school in the nick of time, and laughed like crazy over how much fun we had at the canteen, while waiting for the lastbell to go. FELT SO NAUGHTY, heh. of raju the funniest indian in the world, backseat turtles and perempuan gajahs♥
*pictures from bothdays still with hanis!
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12/10/2009
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worst day of my entire 17years of living, no shit. its way too personal to share here, so I wont even hint on what fucked me up so bad. was a fucking antsy WRECK the entire day and I dont think I wouldve kept sane without support from everyone I sought it from. I couldnt ask for better girlfriends- all of you, you know who you are and I thankyou, from the deepest corner of my heart. lesson thruoughly learned on taking certain things seriously.
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13/10/2009
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unlike the last two days, skipping school was PLANNED beforehand so wokeup smiling knowing the day was going to a great, when contrasted to the normal schoolday everyone THOUGHT we were going to have ;p tija strawberry bigspenderr and I didnt even need to use the slips, we walked right out! was too lazy to watch our movies as planned, so tija went to see her boyfriend and I went to see mine. was home by dinnertime. of main keluar je-ing, firsttime flashbacks in AC toilets, sneaking undersheets and angpao packets hahah♥
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17/10/2009
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Tiffany's Bday party at her place (:

strawberry bigspenderr + maoni !

natliewww

DAYUM STRAIGHT YO

garbriellll ong

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21/10/2009
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HAPPY SEXY TUJUHBELAS-th, kellie aunnnntie (:

nothing beats cake for brekkie mannn ;D
*pics with kellie!
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besides that, had the worst banana-cramps EVER at night and I was literally shaking with pain ;( I tell you, I have the bitchiest vagina on the block. ;/

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22/10/3009
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Kyle Nicholas Hon's 13th Bday (:

hes mr.blurblur in our fam for a reason !

cant believe hes a teenager! Ive rarely seen eyetoeye with him over the years but something tells me the older he gets, the closer we'll become, having more to relate to. it tickles me pink that just the other day I borrowed CDs from him- who wouldve thought the day Id share the same taste in music with my little brother would come? haha. rushed back from tuition, had Japanese for dinner, and sung him his birthday song at night.
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23/10/2009
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tija strawberry bigspenderr picked me up at 1pm, and cut, tija and I got our hairdone at cut's salon in Taipan. curling my hair always frustrates me(cause the first half an hour, your hair looks like poodle shit!) and I cured my anger with buying a new pair of heels. have been spending moolah like fucking water lately so I begged tija to not let me NEAR anymore stores ;X !

of buddha boyfriends, umbrella lessons &poodle woes♥ had lunch;
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.. and went to tija's newplace to get dolledup together(:

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.. for our GRADUATION NIGHT at GrandDorsetSubang ;D

mom and dad came to support me(:

BFFS for-fucking-ever.

vampin & lacin' it up with hanis

madeline serangga, shelly mermaid, kellie aunntie

michael smokes

nikkid love!

typical

sean siumai

MERMAID I LOVE YOUU!

manda chua

kavin my indian husband ;D

terence & khairi nostrills

cut tenasya

mr.chew, our darling principal. tija & I have been in &outta his office atleast once a month for the past year, and this man has the biggest heart you could ever find. he overlooked us from being suspended+expelled countless of times and is like a grandfather to us!

FIVE BETA. from trying to murder a teacher with a bananapeel, to being the only class in school harboring 3students with tonguepiercings, to being the noisiest class on the block- no other class has THIS much fun (;

OMGAWD TEAREDUP SO MANY TIMES ;( by the end of the night it felt surreal that we had all officially graduated from highschool. 2fun, UNFORGETTABLE years Ive spent with my classmates- and every single SECOND has been nothing short of ahmazing. I love my 5Beta-rians to death. they are my FAMILY and always will be♥

teachers reports over the last two years. haha!
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24/10/2009
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TWOMONTH Anniversary♥
spenttime with baby♥ at his place as usual. didnt give eachother anything, or do anything special but I didnt expect anything to start with. all I wanted, was to see my baby I got to do just that. Ive never been this comfortable with someone in my life, and I swear, he is what gets me thru everyday. Ive never loved anyone as much, and I cant even IMAGINE being with any other boy in this world. we fight almost once a week but by the end of the night being without him just isnt possible. Derrick alexander nathan, you have my heart forever. and I mean that. Iloveyou, you skinny stubborn sakai naughty smallboy!
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25/10/2009
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wokeup at godforsaken 7am, for Ethanbaby's 1st Holy Communion (:

spot the bumbumboy with the redtie!

with the priest who made a HOUSEVISIT to my house late lastyear, trying to talk me outta being so outta control. bah.

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.. its 9:37pm as I type this and Im juggling this, nonstop orange MSN tabs popping up, ethanbaby asking me to help with his homework and sorting thru the kazillionth website for the perfect Prom dress. Ive only been to school twice this entire week as Ive been geekin' it up, studying History like NO TOMORROW at home. money and deadlines, are my two biggest worries at the moment. lord, give me the strength to survive the long nights and days to come, to win this battle against fucking SPM! goodbyyye loves(;
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With every breath that I am worth
here on earth;
I'm sending all my love to you
So if you dare to second guess
You can rest, assure
That all my love's for you
My beating heart belongs to you♥

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p/s: manda rachel johnson, my OlgaChickenPurpleneck, it feels beyond good to have you back in my life. after all those times we headbanged to screamo on our secret hidingspot on the rooftop bleachers, to getting so intoxicated we kissed walls and swung on ceiling lights, to 'accidentally' walking in on sexy malemodels in the middle of shoots, to bimbotically locking ourselves out on balconies, to all those stolen cigarettes in our bikinis by your bedroom window- we were crazy to EVER separate!

pp/s: for gods sake coconutscraper, HAVE SOME DIGNITY woman!
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2009-09-03T02:36:00.000-07:00

hello loves.

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I ..

only have

fourrrr

keythings

.. I'd like to say ;D
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1. Im a borrrrring, innocent goodgirl now (;

& altho it gets ridiculously monotonous at times, staying in allnight instead of getting into all sortsve trouble, Im glad to say Ive finally adjusted. you're more likely to find me shootingdown everyone infrontve the telly insetad of out nowdays! it gets tres difficult to say 'no' and turn a blindeye to things I used to love doing so much, and cravings do come & go, but being healthy and happy beats the HELL outta feeling as if I have no control over my body or the things that happen around me.
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2. I love my boyfriend(:

he is my everything &I do not, for a second, regret letting him in. he takes me the way I am and I trust him completely. I honestly havent been this happy in a longlongggg time! & I know deepdown its going to last. this, is the boy who's been changing my world. & I love my baby with everything Ive got, more than I could promise(: 24/7/2009♥
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3. FUCKKKKKKK SPM.

what exactly, is the point of attending school when all I do 8hours a day is sit around looking pretty, vying on the nextbestthing to keep me entertained? despite being in the ScienceStream teachers have literally givenup on my class so seeing as its our choice to listen or not, weve given up on ourselves as well. &so with this, Ive been skipping school like crazy- but its not like Im missing out on anything! the closer SPM gets, the less motivated I become. my 'rents have always taken major exams seriously and swallowing nags has nesstled its way into becoming a dailyactivity. I dont even know what Im going to do after SPM but pushing aside all the 'hype' and 'stress' everyones striving to pile onto you, the reality is, 5credits are all you need to do anything!
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4. RIP, JohnnyBoy ;(

watching you be put down that grim saturdaymorning was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. youve been in our family since I was in Kindergarden & youve always been the sweetest dog. youre in a better place now but I hope you know youre missed dearly, johnnyboy♥
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so I will help you read those books
if you will soothe my worried looks;
and we will put the lonesome on the shelf♥

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p/s: GOTTA stop running away ! ;S
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xxx

2009-08-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

hey.

beside my diminishable streak of procrastination, the underlying reason behind the lack of updates is I have, honestly? not being doing much lately! I feel as if I have the drive to do this &that, but I havent been able to fix my energy into a proper track or focus yet. so my life is pretty much this disarrayed, mismatched mess right about now. like a work in progress ;P anyway hellllllo updates !
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10/8/2009+ 11/8/2009
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this;h

is exactly what ethanbaby and I did alldaylong for 2days straight. haha!
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as I had mentioned in my previouspost, SriKL was officially SHUTDOWN for a week due to H1N1 and ethan got a weeklong MC, so him and I revelled in our timeoff. ordered my trusty sausage mcmuffin with egg from McDs at 4am, three nights in a row so I was a happy girl ;D but on Tuesdaynight, after waiting an usual THIRTYMINUTES for my burger(the deliverys usually made within 10mins of calling kay!) I stomp back into the house ready to tear into my burger like a savage. before I could even bite into it tho, my HOUSEPHONE starts ringing at 5am -
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" hello ? "
" hi. ini miss jennifer hendroff kah? "
" er no - "
" ini McDonalds ya. *laughs* itu saya tadi atas moto. burger sedap tak, amoi? "
" what the- "
" dah makan dah? "
" um, is there a problem with my order? "
" ehhhh taklah. panggil je. tak boleh ke? *laughs* kenapa belum makan? "
" *HANGSUP* "
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.. fucking scary lah omgawd. I was up alone so to hear my housephone blare at such an oddhour scared the fuck outta me. since im such a regular, he mustve referred back to the call-list and gotten my housenumber from there as its what I use to order McDs. and McDs is under my moms name so fucker mustve thought it was my name. mom wokeup right after I hungup, and said McDs called her cellphone as well! BLOODY CREEP. I think its a sign from God to stop eating so much Mcds tho o.o

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12/8/2009
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was set on shopping when I got up(: cally cameover and we left for lunch at KDU college around noon.

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& then to Pavillion around 2.30pm. back when clubbing in KL was a habit I was constantly freakedout at how scary people and things always got, and I memang loathe how busy it is in the day so omgawd, was cursing like CRAZY when we were not only stuck in the jam, but in the downpour-_- met with simson and his friends, and juggled between aiding to huntdown his shirt and finding the best thing to splurge my cash on. cally needed to pick some stuff up at SungaiWang so went there for abit before retreating home at 7.30pm. of ash-scoopers, cha flashbacks &crazy comparisons♥

" babe what are you - " candid. but felt stupid carrying the bigass bag all day long.

my new love (:
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13/8/2009
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ethanbaby bunked in my room the night before;

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& SeventeenMag called me in for another shoot around noon, but I passed it up cause it wouldve takenup too much time. left for OU around noon and metup at starbucks with redza as promised, and chatted over my frap for half an hour or so. he waited on me for close to 2hours so felt so bad ;X naomipaigehon is alwaysalways late you see, heh! met with derrick right after and spenttime with my babyyy (: he broke a VERY BIG PROMISE to me the nightbefore so expected to be fucking miffed when I saw him but hes lucky hes so damn adorable, stupid smallboy ;P

was home by 8.30pm. of accidental C's & whipped cream necks♥
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14/8/2009
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spent the majority of the day vegitating infrontve the telly, fixed on a sexy TrueBlood marathon. I was literally sprawled on the couch for hours on end so felt like nothing short of a tiny pig haha. went to;
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.. HartamasSquare with jiarong later at night.

laughed and talked nonstop the entiretime so I enjoyed myself(: was home earlyyyy by 1am. of fucky cellphones, bouncy afros, stubborn-ness, ahdorable maps &chilly stories♥ ate pies and watched horrormovies with the'rents before going to bed at 5am.
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15/8/2009
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I was in super-lazybum mode and couldnt bring myself to get changed in time; so simson if youre reading this im sorry for missing your birthday dinner;( cally and I reached simson's at 10.30pm and mr.birthdayboy was halfgonnnne haha. went to Bangsar, then up to Genting with stephanie, kimberly and caprice+ his friend on a whim right after.

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my cellphone battery DIED during the drive up so was dying ;S forgot to bring my IC as well, so when the stupidguard stopped us and asked me to get outta the car for not having it I was ahnoyed like crazy. after jotting down my IC number &fullname blabla, this oneguard ateup MORE of my time cause he flirtily asked for my cellphone number and permisson to text me, yuckk -_- sipped on hotmilo at McDs upon reaching, & was back in PJ by 6.30am totally knackered! of nicked chocolates &plastic smiles♥
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17/8/2009- 19/8/2009
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BACK TO SCHOOL.

I am innocent, swear. I just wonder if this is visible whenev you pass by SriKL hahah

because 5Beta boys run around shirtless half the time.
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despite being reunited with loves Ive missed so much, it was back to doing absolutely nothing alldaylong, the sucky canteen food and the usual schoollife Ive gotten so used to. I find it sad that most teachers have givenup on 5Beta seeing as we're a PureSciene class, but a relief at the sametime cause its not like any of us bother. honestly cant remember the lasttime I actually LEARNED ANYTHING in school ;X baby surprise visited me in school on Tuesday(:, but other than that nothing outta the ordinary has happened.
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... its 5:25pm and my stomach is growling heh! attempted to re-initiate my NoCarbDiet earlier this week but the biscuits and donuts Ive been sneaking at the wee hours in the morning have BROKEN it so am contemplating giving it a real go in a few days. was unbelievably down in the dumps a coupledays ago but talked to darrenlok till 4am and hes seriously gotten me rethinking alotta things as he made alotta sense. I couldnt be happier with my life the way it is right now but I cant explain the way I feel about things. I hope I get outta this ' stuckinthemiddle ' situation soon omg!;/ goodbyyyyyye people.
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because its easier to be who you are;
when noone knows your name♥

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p/s: these boys fall like dominoes (; hah!
pp/s: sweetbaby give me time to trust, the way I feel about us.
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xxx